I recently listened to an episode of Katie Couric’s podcast, Next Question. The guest was, as Lady Gaga once said, “the incomparable Julie Andrews.” Julie Andrews was discussing her new memoir (which I can’t wait to read) when she spoke about how getting counseling in her early adulthood was instrumental in her life. How refreshing! She admits that when she told her family she would be getting counseling, her mom in particular was mortified because the stigma at the time was that “only crazy people needed counseling.” Although it is hard to imagine that someone as classy, tactful, and collected as Julie Andrews ever needed counseling, it also makes perfect sense that counseling has contributed to the poise the woman has maintained throughout a difficult life. She says that what prompted counseling was that she wanted, “to quiet the chaos” in her mind. What a wonderful picture! Who doesn’t want a mind at peace?

About two years ago, I first started my healing journey through counseling in a group environment, in a class called Life Essentials. In addition to a group class, I have also started seeing a counselor one-on-one. Before Life Essentials, I didn’t know that I could get off the emotional rollercoaster I was on. I didn’t know that what I had experienced as “normal” in my childhood wasn’t normal. I didn’t know that in times where I had felt backed into a corner, I actually had choices. I didn’t know that my voice was worth hearing. Counseling has empowered me in so many ways: to take control of my life, my time, what relationships I chose to invest in, and what I will allow to take root in my life.

I have learned to recognize the “triggers” in my life and where they come from so that I can take responsibility for my own emotions. A trigger is a reminder of past trauma. For example, someone who has been abused might become upset by a scent the abuser wore. An adult who had been left alone a lot as a child might be irrationally afraid of answering the door. While the trigger itself might not be harmful, it prompts an emotional response similar to the response to the trauma. Becoming aware of what can trigger me has empowered me to live a more proactive lifestyle instead of a reactive lifestyle.

I have learned to recognize that other people have triggers, and that I am not responsible for the emotions of others. At the same time, I can take steps to mitigate my responses and have compassion when I notice someone being triggered by my behavior. This has empowered me to know that not everything is always my fault.

I have learned that my perception of a situation can be skewed by past hurts. This has challenged me to address those hurts, receive the needed healing, and then grieve what I have lost in order to live in the present and move into the future with clarity and peace.

I have learned what healthy relationships look like and how setting boundaries is actually a loving thing to do. It has empowered me to stay in control of my life and not to act out of feelings of obligation or out of trying to manage others’ feelings. It has given me a voice to stand up for myself when I feel I’m being mistreated.

I have learned that I have been shaped by certain core beliefs about myself and others—some of which are untrue—and that I can work to undo these lies and focus instead on what I know to be true. Although I had no control over my past and it does not define me, I am now empowered to be in control of who I will become.

I am still learning how to navigate complex relationships. I’m learning how to tell people when they’ve hurt me. I’m learning how to restore relationships. I’m learning who I am.

We all have hurts and unmet needs. It’s empowering to be able to admit they’re there and see where they’ve come from so that healing can begin. The stigma that only crazy people need counseling is fading away. The world is noticing that the people who get counseling have a better chance at living a sane and stable life than those who remain in denial of their pain. Proverbs 19:20-21 says, “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.” We are not meant to do life alone, and through counseling no one has to.

I invite you to learn how to quiet the chaos in your mind. There are so many community resources available to begin your journey. I highly recommend Life Essentials, which I am still a part of. Information on upcoming introductory seminars and classes can be found at Life Essentials. I found my counselor through Gateway Counseling Center: Gateway Counseling. Books are a great supplement to counseling, but not a replacement for it. I recommend the titles Seven Desires of Every Heart by Mark and Debbie Lasser, The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown, Suffering is Never for Nothing by Elisabeth Elliot, and Switch on Your Brain by Dr. Caroline Leaf. Wherever you have been, wherever you are, and wherever you want to be, there is no shame in and much to gain from getting counseling. I encourage you to take your next step.