When you think about good leaders you’ve had, whether past or present, what qualities stand out to you the most? You might recall their commitment to excellence, great speaking abilities, or lighthearted personality. More than anything, however, there’s a good chance you remember the way they treated you and how they made you feel. Kind, selfless, and mature leaders practice being emotionally healthy, and we would be wise to learn from them.  Whether you are climbing the corporate ladder or leading your family, here are three ways to practice being an emotionally healthy leader.

  1. Face Your Shadow

In the book The Emotionally Healthy Leader, Peter Scazzero equates knowing yourself with a concept he calls “facing your shadow.” Your shadow can be any hidden, untamed, less-than-lovely quality within you that comes out in the worst of ways. Your shadow may be the incessant need to be publicly recognized, your unrelenting perfectionism, or obvious avoidance of people that irritate you. It’s challenging to confront the ugliest parts of ourselves and learn to lead in spite of them. It’s much easier, Scazzero says, to “neglect, forget, or deny” these weaknesses. And yet,  being aware of your shadow can become one of your greatest strengths. If you want to identify any possible “shadows” within you, here are some honest questions to ask yourself: 

Am I resistant to new ideas from other members of my team because they are not my own?

Am I not giving an employee more opportunities because I am scared of being replaced by them?

Am I critical of my partner because I’m critical of myself? Where does this come from?

Based on your answers to questions like these, you will begin to notice patterns in how you react in various circumstances and where the roots of the issues lie. Once aware of your shadow, you can work through it in a healthy manner and lead from a healthier place.

  1. Empower Others

This may seem a bit basic, but emotionally healthy leaders have the capacity to empower others. There’s nothing worse than a boss who uses his or her words and actions to tear down their staff. An emotionally healthy leader is able to set their insecurities and prejudices aside for the sake of building others up. Recognizing that the people around you have gifts and talents different than yours and that it’s your job to steward them is the key. If someone else can do a task 70% as good as you, delegate it. Don’t wait for someone to come along who can do it as well as you, because that day may never come. This rule will transform your life as a leader and give you room to breathe, rest, and build up your team.

  1. Invite Feedback and Innovation

How often do you survey your team after the completion of an event or project? Furthermore, how often do you ask colleagues for insight into your leadership or how you can improve? As scary as it may seem, feedback is essential to your growth as an emotionally healthy leader. When you allow others to speak honestly about your performance, it puts you on level ground with those around you. It makes you human, and as a result, you become more approachable. Your humility to seek feedback will embolden your team, intern, mentee, or volunteer to be more open about their ideas.

Innovation can be intimidating to a lot of leaders. If acting out of their “shadow,” they may feel that new ideas challenge the status quo or their authority. They may be afraid to fail. Dr. Brene Brown, well-known for her TED Talk on “The Power of Vulnerability,” shares, “There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period.” The next time you’re planning an event or explaining a project to your team, welcome new ideas. Ask a direct question to someone on staff, such as, “What do you think, Julia?” rather than using the meeting as a time for your own monologue. You’d be surprised how helpful other perspectives can be, and how creating a culture of innovation in your workplace lengthens the longevity of your mission as an emotionally healthy leader.