Shame — it’s a strong, ugly word that we struggle with on the daily. 

“I can’t believe I ate that pint of cookie dough ice cream last night. No wonder I can’t lose the weight. I’m hopeless.” 

“I missed my son’s first steps because I was at the office. I’m a horrible mother.” 

“I’m upside down in debt. I clearly have no idea how to be an adult.” 

Sometimes it’s tough to speak our shame out loud, especially when it comes to our finances, so instead we let the feeling in with open arms. 

But what is there to be shameful about, really? 

We live in a world where higher education lands us jobs that often don’t pay enough to support us. So we struggle — to pay rent, to feed ourselves and to manage the growing debt threatening our independence. 

As a result, we end up becoming imprisoned by student loans, credit card debt and the shame we feel for letting it get so far. 

Debt is something society is talking about more and more, but it’s far from being something we’re proud to share freely. 

Ever been a part of this conversation? 

Friend: “Hey, how’s it going?” 

You: “Could be better. I’m struggling to pay rent and can’t even afford litter for my cat. Looks like ramen tonight.” 

Maybe yes, probably no. Sometimes we may share our debt woes with our friends and family members. But often, it’s tough admitting to others we have debt and how much. We look at it as this shameful thing. How could we possibly be viewed as a successful adult if we owe more money than we’re worth? 

If you’re debt free, I bow down to you. You probably lived at home during college or worked a full-time job and saved up all those hours working as a barista to achieve financial freedom. I wish I had your foresight. 

For my struggling artists, I’d like to first share how I got into $36,000 worth of shame. 

It started in college. Fortunately, I earned academic scholarships that paid for most of my schooling. Unfortunately, I graduated owing a little more than $20,000. All four years of college, I lived with roommates so it wasn’t like I was living in my own penthouse apartment with a view of the city. But $500 in rent each month for four years adds up. I worked part-time jobs here and there, but it wasn’t enough to avoid this debt. 

I thought surely I’d pay it off eventually after landing my first real job. Eventually was further away than I thought. When I started my career as a newspaper reporter, I quickly realized my annual salary would not be enough to pay more than the minimum payment each month and support my independent lifestyle. So I added on more debt. 

I got my first credit card, then my second and before I knew it, I had three. At the time, I thought I was smart, building my credit, but hindsight is 20/20, and in reality I probably should’ve minimized my bills and found a roommate to split rent with or moved back home. But I didn’t want to lose my independence, even though my family was advising me to come home. 

So I continued paying bills with money I barely had, which got less and less as unexpected expenses popped up. My car broke down my first year as a reporter so I had to buy a new one. Now I had a car loan. 

I was drowning. 

In the span of nearly 10 years, I found myself nearly $40,000 in debt. How did I let that happen? 

Well, I found out it’s easy to get into debt — the tough part is getting out. 

No matter where you are in the debt spectrum (high or low), the first thing you have to do is own up to it. It took me turning  27 years old to face it head on. 

It’s when I realized my debt wasn’t going to magically disappear on it’s own. And I wasn’t going to suddenly win the lottery and pay it all off. Poof! 

I had to put in the work. For years I lived with the illusion of freedom, all the while invisible chains were tightly locked around my wrists and ankles. 

I paid $700 each month on loan payments alone. I didn’t feel like a successful adult. 

After all those years of living on my own, I moved back in with my parents. It was a hard pill to swallow. I thought success meant living on your own and paying your own bills and yet here I was, back home, a “failure” or so I thought. Though it was a tough decision to make, I now realize it was the right one. I’m also aware of how fortunate I am as I know not every one has that option available to them. 

Living at home freed me from the responsibilities of paying rent, cable and utilities. But I still had expenses — my car loan, storage unit, gas, food, etc. I knew I needed to develop better spending habits in order to beat debt and start saving money for the future, but first I needed to look at what I was spending money on. 

One night, I reviewed my bank statements for the past several months. A couple of things stood out to me. 

In one month alone I spent nearly $60 on lattes! OK guys, I admit I have a coffee addiction but I didn’t know it was this bad until I added up the numbers. 

I also found that I was spending way too much on monthly subscriptions like Spotify for music. So I canceled those apps I barely used. I needed to live more frugally, even if it meant not being able to skip to a song I wanted to listen to. Life’s little luxuries would have to wait. 

I also negotiated a lower cell phone plan and opted to eat more at home versus eating out. 

And I avoided Target like the plague. Do I really need another plush pillow? Ye…no! So I limited my visits to bi-weekly and only ever buy what I need. It’s tougher than it sounds. 

As I began shaving off my monthly expenses, I started holding myself accountable for every purchase I made (no matter how small) because one thing is for sure — expenses add up quickly. 

Once I developed a more positive spending habit, I started to tackle my three credit card bills, which totaled $6,000 — about 15% of my total debt. 

It’s not like I’ve been totally irresponsible with cards. I’ve always paid on time, I never let myself get near the credit limit and as a result I’ve maintained a pretty good credit score. 

What really killed me was the interest I was paying. I paid the bare minimum on every account each month but my balances remained relatively the same. The money I did pay seemed to disappear into a greedy black hole. I was paying so much on interest it would take me another nine years, according to one credit card statement, to pay it off. That’s almost a decade! And I had two other cards to contend with. 

So I decided to consolidate my credit card debt. 

I looked into personal loans with low interest. Before I continue, I know you’re probably saying — Ashley, another loan? Did you not learn anything? 

Well, with the personal loan I qualified for via my bank I’m set to be credit card debt free in three years versus a decade. I’m in no way a financial advisor, and there are other options than taking out a personal loan, but this was something that worked for me. 

Instead of making three payments, I only make one, and it’s a fixed amount with low interest, so I know exactly when I’ll pay it off and that feels great. 

To avoid future spending, I put my credit cards away. Little by little I’m closer and closer to real freedom. 

While shame is a feeling often associated with debt, there’s no reason to feel ashamed. But by being aware of where your money is going and how you’re spending it, like me, you’re a step closer to gaining financial freedom.