One of the hardest parts of growing up isn’t always filing your taxes, remembering to call your grandparents, or vowing never to cut your own bangs again. It’s realizing that so many of the “rules” we live by as adults aren’t actually rules at all — they’re just stories we made up in our younger years to protect ourselves.

And while those stories may have helped us survive middle school, they don’t always help us thrive now.

We all have them:

  • “If I’m not naturally good at it, I shouldn’t waste my time.”
  • “If I try and fail, everyone will think I’m a joke.”
  • “Opportunities only come to the special or pretty ones — not someone like me.”

These scripts get baked into our identity so quietly that we carry them into adulthood without ever stopping to ask, Wait… who told me that? And is it even true anymore?

My False Narrative: The Fear I Mistook for Wisdom

For me, the story I had to unlearn was simple but powerful: Failure is so humiliating that it’s safer not to try at all.

It’s a belief that showed up in small ways, like choosing the backstage crew instead of auditioning for the school musical. Not because I didn’t want to be on stage — I did — but because the possibility of cracking a note in front of my classmates during the audition felt like a fate worse than death.

If I wasn’t going to be the lead, why bother?
If I wasn’t instantly amazing, why even start?

I didn’t recognize it then, but that was perfectionism disguised as maturity — the belief that excellence and perfection were the same, and if I couldn’t achieve both effortlessly, it wasn’t worth the risk.

Spoiler alert: that’s not true.
(And I wish someone had told me that long before adulthood.)

Unlearning the Rules That Hold Us Back

In her newest book, motivational speaker and foster care advocate Tori Hope Petersen discusses the dangers of confusing excellence with perfection. Excellence allows room for effort, for progress, for humanity. Perfection, on the other hand, demands flawlessness — and therefore, prevents growth.

Most of us weren’t taught the difference growing up. We internalized the wrong lesson and built our life strategies around it.

But here’s the good news: mindsets can be unlearned.

You can rewrite the rules. You can choose a new story. You can do things your 16-year-old self would never believe you were brave enough to do.

For Women With Big Dreams

Chances are you’re already doing something courageous — building a business, launching a side hustle, putting your work into the world, raising a toddler to use their voice (and boy, do they!), or trying something that no one in your family has ever done.

That alone is an act of unlearning.

But if you’re still holding onto any of these old beliefs, here’s your permission to let them go:

“I have to be the best in the room to deserve a seat at the table.”


Nope. Growth happens in the room, not before you enter it.

“If I don’t meet 100% of the qualifications, I shouldn’t apply.”


Apply anyway. Even 75% can get you in the door—or give you feedback that changes everything.

“Someone will notice me and take me under their wing when I’m ready.”


People are busy. Ask for mentorship. Be bold and initiate.

“Trying and failing is more embarrassing than not trying at all.”


Trying and failing is how every success story begins. Or at the very least, it makes for a great conversation opener at a party. 

The New Story

So here’s the narrative I’m choosing now — one I hope you’ll try on too:

Excellence is showing up.
Perfection isn’t required. Trying is the win. And courage is a muscle we have to choose to exercise consciously. 

Your old stories kept you risk-free. Your new stories will help you grow. And isn’t that what this Hatch community is all about? Women rewriting the rules, unlearning the limits, and trying things that may have once scared your inner 16-year-old half to death, but ultimately earned her respect.